Filling Out or Rewriting

Hello! Happy Wednesday!

My next step in editing after doing the grammar edit is to usually re-read then fill out the areas where there seems to be something missing. I’m looking parts that might need a re-write or building up. This can take a while usually depending how much I’m reading and not seeing things I want to change. So here’s the revision.

The woman sat on the cot, her tight tank top showing her curves; the terrible fluorescent lighting exaggerated her muscles. From the security camera above, one could catch the slightest glimpse of black lace with each rise and fall of her chest. While the average man might have enjoyed the view, the current viewers wouldn’t have dared allow the thought to cross their minds. She had been their general once, and the price for any who dared would have been too high. Moreover, she had a reputation for not smiling. Even now, her face remained stony. She showed no emotion. Besides the rise and fall of her chest, she hadn’t moved, her eyes staring ahead at the empty wall.

Why was she back? The whispered question echoed in the barracks of the military station. It had been several years since she had led them out of the war against the Noctifer. Then, just as the war had ended, it was announced she had retired. No reason was provided other than she served with honor.

“What do you think she did?” muttered one of the officers watching the screen.

“Shh…Tanner hears you asking questions, and you’ll be demoted. The guards that brought her in were demoted when they asked why?” the other one shook their head, keeping their attention on the screen.

Speaking of the devil, the door banged open with the head consul of Defense, Castor Tanner, and the head of state, Rohit Horvat. Tanner was a tall, broad man with more temper than anything else. But his aggressive tactics promoted him quickly. Horvat, likely a snake or rat in a previous, had ambition and the intelligence to do it, but not the love. Notorious unliked but valuable.

Tanner slammed a file on the bed beside her. Horvat closed the door. Shutting the two of them in the room with her. The woman didn’t give Tanner the satisfaction of a reaction to his tactics. Instead, she continued staring at the wall as if the two men hadn’t entered the room.

“Why the hell are the Ataraxia asking us to release you into their custody?” demanded Tanner, bending over to eye level with her.

“Tanner, remember what we discussed,” warned Horvat leaning back against the door casually.

“General, I gave you an order,” commanded Tanner, his face purpling.

“I am no longer a General in your army, sir,” came the steady response.

The general made eye contact with Tanner for the first time. The quick eye contact was a clear dismissal of him. The general returned to the wall, ignoring the two men posturing before her.

“General Parker, I think you misunderstand us. We simply wish to understand how you come to have some prior relationship with the Ataraxia, a notoriously private and almost mythical star system,” Horvat soothed from his position on the wall.

“I have no information for you, sir.” Parker gave Horvat the same dismissive glance but with a little more glare.

“Like hell you don’t,” screamed Tanner, “someone with your capabilities and ambition just wasting time with a farm on some outer moon.”

“Tanner,” the soft warning came again, “even if you don’t tell us now, we have instructions to bring you to the system’s central planet, home to the Queen of Ataraxia. In return, they are willing to open trade agreements. We had hoped you would be able to provide some information but have it as you will. We will be leaving within a couple hours,” Horvat shrugged his shoulders, opening the door and holding it open.

“Just so you know, the Queen herself specifically requested your presence,” whispered Tanner in her ear before slugging her on the side of the head. She gripped the cot harder but kept her balance. Tanner stalked out, and Horvat shut the door behind them.